There have been quite a few break-ins around here lately.We usually get sucked into the neighborhood buzz surrounding the immediate situation and become unnerved for a short period of time. However, the anxiety dissipates as soon as we go back into our home.
Our protection is something we're not complacent in nor take for granted. It is something we pray for every night and every morning. And once we hand it over, that is that.
But something happened today that is weighing heavy on my heart.
A child came to my door needing medical help and I didn't open the door.
Of course I called the police, they were here in what seemed to be two minutes and they are still outside her home now, two hours later. I know she is getting the help she needs.
What upsets me is that I didn't open the door.
I couldn't see her through the peep hole or through either window on the sides of my front porch.
All I could hear was knocking and a young voice asking to come in and use my phone.
Since I couldn't see her, I didn't know what else I couldn't see.
I'm home alone with a 3-year-old, due in 8 weeks, and nothing to protect us other than a phone and an overly friendly dog with a ferocious tail wag.
And so I didn't open the door.
After the police arrived, I walked outside and understood why I couldn't see anything. She had been sitting propped up against the door and had vomited on the stoop.
And of course she was alone.
I know I indirectly helped her but I am sick over the fact that there was even hesitation. I hate that I had to speculate, that I had thought the situation could have been more than it was.
Just yesterday I was reflecting on my list and praying for a stranger to serve.
Just yesterday, people. In the parking lot of Wal-Mart, to be exact.
I had not envisioned the prayer being answered in this fashion. But that just goes to show how much I know...not very much. I'm just a flawed human being fumbling along in this life while whole-heartedly trying to remain focused on the Cross every step of the way.
While I'm allowing the narcisist in me to relive the experience of today from the standpoint of what could have been this grandiose act of humanity (opening the door, holding her, comforting her, wiping the sweat off of her brow until the police arrive) I'm understanding more and more what grace really means.
Today it meant helping through a closed door, cleaning up a child's vomit, and extending grace to myself for a situation handled appropriately...one that I really did ask for.
Today it meant thanking God for His ever-present Grace and for the protection He continues to extend to me.
So today, I am thankful and moved by God's grace all around me.
Thanks for listening.
8 comments:
You did the right thing. Don't worry one more minute about it.
You absolutely did the right thing, you protected yourself and your family, WHILE helping that young girl. She got what she needed, maybe not the way you pictured it, but she was helped by you nonetheless. And your prayer was answered. Not one more minute of worry is right.
xo
jamie-
you grab at my heart all the time...i'm lighter knowing you are able to give yourself grace and believe that you did the best you could. xo
It's never God who beats us up about this stuff - just we ourselves.
The way I've come to deal with times like these - situations where I feel I've failed someone...not recognised an opportunity to serve until it's too late - is to see such times as simple lessons. An opportunity to learn. And to hope that next time I'll do better....that I'll see the situation for what it is and dive right in there.
Don't feel bad, Jamie. You wanted to help. You did help. And you've learned some stuff.
That's a lot.
(((bighug)))
and yes, you did the right thing. you DID help her.
You did the right thing. Really. Even though it may not feel like it right now.
i'm imagining how vulnerable i would have felt in your position. sweet thing. you did just fine. big hug, mama.
you helped in the way you could, you are brave and wonderful and I thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us
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